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Cheating on Your Spouse? Consider this…

This applies to a man or a woman, though a woman would probably have much more success with it. What have you got to lose? Just your marriage if you don’t try it!

Cut off all the hair from your head.

In 1996 as I began to meditate I realized something about the way women looked at me. They lusted after me to put it bluntly. I’m not Brad Pitt and I’m not a political powerhouse or wealthy mogul. But I realized something back then. I’m pretty damn attractive. Too attractive to have these women drooling over me because I was newly married and didn’t need the aggravation. Come on guys, you know what I’m talking about. (I hope this came across as humor!)

So, I was recently married and I was getting the usual eye-traffic coming my way at the university where I was finishing up graduate school. Being a student of psychology I enjoyed doing little social experiments to see if I could learn something about life. After a visit to see my brother in New York I decided I’d cut my hair down to about one eighth of an inch and see if people looked at me differently. My brother, who has been effectively bald since the age of twenty-one told me that not having hair is different than having hair. People don’t treat him the way they treat me because I have hair. He seemed to be jealous of me having hair when he didn’t – especially since I was older by four years.

My head was shaved in the Air Force years before – but that was done at the base where every man’s head was shaved. I wanted to see – does hair make a difference in how people treat me? Specifically, I wanted to see – do women treat me in a different way than when I had hair. Friends and strangers – were there differences that I could perceive?

I bought some clippers and put on the #1 level plastic piece. A “1” is a close cut. It’s 1/4 to 1/8″ of an inch. It took all of five minutes to clip it all off. Wow. I went from a preppy and adorable full head of dirty blond hair down to stubble in minutes. It was comical to look at myself in the mirror. Already I knew the answer – people would definitely treat me differently. I couldn’t even come to grips with the new look for a few days.

Over the next few weeks I noticed a very real change in the way my friends treated me.

The most common question asked was, WHY did you do that? Apparently the shock of reality was almost too much for my female friends who thought me attractive before. They said things like, “It looked so much better before.” “Why do you want to look like a skinhead?” Apparently my head was so white because my hair was blond that I looked like a skinhead to some. I didn’t act like a skinhead any more than I did with hair – but, this was the reaction I got from some people. Apparently the stubble-head incites fear in some. I guess I did look skinheadish – but inside I couldn’t have been further from that.

I noticed a huge difference in the behavior of strangers toward me. Prior to shaving my head I got a fair number of looks my way during the day. I think everyone at the university gets their fair share of looks since out of 35,000 students there must be 100 that think any person looks good enough to make eye contact with.

Well, after I shaved my head I didn’t get the usual looks and eye contact that I got before. I still got some – and it wasn’t from people staring because I looked like a skinhead. I don’t think anyway. I began to get looks from a different type of person that I didn’t get looks from before. Bad girls. Girls with tattoos and smoking outside the classrooms, even teenagers would look at me quite a bit more and smile. It was bizarre. When I had hair I can’t remember ever having a bad girl look my way or go out of her way to make eye contact with me. When I had no hair – apparently they thought I was a bad boy and that appealed to them.

With friends they seemed to distance themselves from me a little bit. It seemed like they acted more seriously toward me and didn’t joke around or flirt as much if they were girl friends.

Anyway – a very interesting experiment that you should try as a man. As a woman I think you would experience really profound differences in the way men and other women treated you. Some would look at you as if you had turned lesbian. Some would think you a skinhead. Some would think you have a medical problem. Some would think you had a mental problem.

I’m considering making social experiments a part of this web site. I have a few more to share with you from growing up in the USA – but, since now I’m in Thailand – I wonder about the generalizability of experiments I do here. Would you still find them interesting? Not sure.

Vern bald.Here in Thailand I’ve shaved my head – sometimes with a razor (see pic) – just so I don’t have to think about hair being mashed down by my motorbike helmet. It’s cooler and nobody gives me strange looks here. The Thai women also have a similar reaction as in America. Less looks after I clip or shave my head. It’s really strange to realize the effect first-hand.

So – if you’re cheating or plan on cheating or could see yourself cheating – shave your head as soon as possible. Use a razor and go totally hairless if you’re just too sexy for your own good. See how sexy you are then.

Huh?  Still too sexy?  Shave your legs and arms too.

STILL?  Shave your eyebrows smooth and pluck your eyelashes.

STILL??????? Ok, Ok, see a professional I can’t help.

Best of Life!

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4 thoughts on “Cheating on Your Spouse? Consider this…

  • at 2:57 am

    This is an interesting experiment.

    In my experience when women cut their hair extremely short or go bald it’s a signal to the world that they are no longer putting up with any sh– and are living life on their own terms. For reasons similar to why people shunned you, they get fewer looks of the old kind and more new looks.

  • at 1:56 pm

    Hi Flora, Yes – that’s my idea too – some women do that… I wonder what their experience is… are they happier without the other looks? I think many women would be, others, because they’ve built their worth on their looks – whether they want to believe it or not – would have a hard time with it. Just like men – but to a different degree. Thank you for your comments Flora!

  • at 12:11 pm

    I’m not planning on cheating on anyone, I just wanted to see what your experiment was all about. I’ve shaved my head around 40 times and have no fear of doing so after the first time… the usual comment is “you have the perfect shaped head” and at other times women say “i wish i had the courage to do that” and i get the cancer question… truth be told, i’m an artist and when my hair gets to a certain length, i get the “i feel like everyone else bug” and have to mess around with my hair… i’m always taking in what people are saying with their looks or comments… it informs my artwork

    • at 8:21 pm

      Hi Cyn,

      Thanks for writing – interesting comment. I have to say I don’t understand the whole artist idea that if you look like everyone else that you can’t create differently. I just don’t get it – but of course I’m far from an artist! I am a creator though – I create like a mad scientist. I have done more creatively over the last two years than any other 5 year period in my life and yet I don’t have to dress any differently from anyone to be creative.

      My gut feeling is that artists feel different from others. They see the world in a different way. My uncle is an amazing artist… yet he only dressed normally – drab – his whole life. He never got a tattoo, never cut his hair short… he had a beard for the last 30 or so years – and maybe that’s how he was being different. But, many people have beards and aren’t artists.

      A girl shaving her head makes me think she’s doing it for attention. She’s making a statement. “I’m different. Don’t treat me the same. But, don’t treat me like a freak either.”

      Many people need to be part of subgroups so they feel more accepted. Tattoos, smoking, piercings… the reason piercings burst onto the scene? A whole bunch of girls and guys that didn’t fit in with any particular group so they joined that one. Some people join sports groups. Some join nerd groups. Some join book clubs. Some join the Catholic church, the moonies, or a free-love group. Many people feel this need to identify with a group of people “like them”. I’d say most of us do.

      Anyway – just rambling on here – good luck with your art! Send some photos, recordings, whatever you have if you get the urge… Best, Vern


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