I told you a couple weeks ago that I am a very logical person. I believe absolutely zero percent in the ideas of fate, karma, a God that has any effect on my life, or hope in something that’s outside of myself – because I cannot prove any of them correct. I cannot prove to you or even to me that any of these things are acting in my life, and I don’t believe others that insist they are.
I’m just not a person that believes in faith, or hope. I do all I can and then the chips fall where they fall (the laws of chance). I do everything I can to skew the results so the result goes my way – the way I want it to go. If I haven’t put the time in to skew the result in my favor then I don’t hope that it happens, I just watch and see what happens. The laws of chance say that sometimes it will happen in my favor – so that’s a good thing.
To wish, hope or pray for something to happen is beyond me. I believe that I’m ineffectual at changing something that I cannot directly affect in a logical way. Prayers, good thoughts, good deeds, and the rest of are things that I don’t bother with as I’ve not seen them have any effect beyond the laws of probability and chance, so what is the point. I live my life without faith in anything but what I can do.
That said, I’ve been agonizing over this decision about leaving Thailand. I’ve been here just over 2.5 years now. I have come to LOVE the country, it’s people, the culture, the spontaneity foreigners living here can enjoy because of the cheap cost of living and the ease of changing jobs almost at will.
But, I feel like I need to return to Hawaii to catch up on all I’ve missed out on. I feel like my skills as an Internet Marketing Consultant are slipping a bit since I’m not involved in the same kinds of projects and surrounded by the same types of people as I was back in the USA.
I have obligations I’ve totally neglected, being cozily tucked away in Southeast Asia and stressing out about life as little as possible, and far less than I ever dreamed I could.
So, I created the Meta Decision Table, and the result that is supposed to show me a definitive answer, came up with an almost exact tie. When the values are close after going through the Meta Decision Tables it can be a very hard decision indeed.
So, that’s what I was facing.
I decided to do something I’ve never done in my life – flip a coin to decide something. Yep, it is totally illogical and completely based on the laws of chance, but in this case I decided to attribute whatever result happened as a result that was influenced by karma or fate or something else outside of statistics.
The flip revealed to me that I’m staying in Thailand. I accepted that for a couple weeks and then, over these weeks there have been more reasons surfacing for returning to the states and Hawaii. I was walking the beach today…
I found a playing card lying on the sand. That is not too out of the ordinary as I’ve seen many things on deserted beaches since the Tsunami of 2004. The card’s face was down and I couldn’t see what card it was. I thought…. hmm, should I try this again?
After all, fate is the way things are supposed to be, right? If it was fate that I flip that coin and get the result to stay in Thailand, then it would be fate that showed me this card laying face down in the sand. It woud be fate if I decided to turn over this card and have the result tell me AGAIN, what to do… yes?
I don’t really know how this fate, stuff works – as I said, I haven’t used it in my life and I usually ignore conversations about it as utter nonsense so I’m clue-less when it comes to this.
I decided that if the card was a BLACK card I would go back to Hawaii. RED and I would stay in Thailand where my heart is.
I hesitated a few seconds – 20 or so… Just holding the card and wondering – do I want to do this again? I took a photo of the card before I turned it over.
I turned the card over and guess what?
What does THAT MEAN?
The saltwater, sun, and whatever else had reacted with the dye of the card to erase all traces of color. The card had no black nor did it have red. However, there WAS the very faint outline in another shade of white that revealed that the card was actually a 6 of hearts. A red card,
without the red.
I have no idea what kind of answer that was to my question. I think it means, don’t rely on fate or something outside yourself anymore!
See what I mean – you CANNOT rely on something outside of yourself.
Take as much action as you can to influence the way a situation or a decision goes, make a decision if you need to. If you wrap yourself up in the hope that there’s some universal entity or path for your life you’re just wasting your time and giving emotional energy to something that shouldn’t get it. Save your emotional energy for loving your spouse, children, friends and self. Don’t give it away to the heavens…
Best of Life!
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